» 2000s Lights! Camera! Vegan!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

It’s really hard to forget someone when you’re standing in a group that’s all eyeballing each other.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the movie where Jason Segel is completely naked. The End.

Just kidding! Not about the nudity, about the…whatever.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is about a guy, Peter, whose famous girlfriend ,Sarah, dumps him, and when he takes a vacation to Hawaii…she’s staying at the same hotel. With Russell Brand. It’s basically hell on earth and Peter wants to flee badly, but the hotel’s hostess convinces him to stay and enjoy himself, and even hooks him up with a fancy suite. At first, Peter pines for Sarah but eventually he realizes that she wasn’t that great of a girlfriend and starts hanging out with the cute hostess and having fun. In the meantime, Sarah is realizing that her rocker boyfriend is a huge knob and that Peter was a great boyfriend.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a standard Judd Apatow raunchy comedy, with a lot of his standard players. But there is one thing this movie has that none of his other works have. PUPPETS.

The Dracula rock opera is a real thing that Jason Segel had written at some point, and the fact that it hasn’t become a real thing is greatly disappointing. The puppets in the movie were made by Jim Henson’s Creature Studio, hence their authentic Muppet look.

Starring Jason Segel (How I Met Your Mother, Freaks and Geeks), Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars [sad fact, Kristen Bell found out the show was cancelled while filming this], House of Cards), Russell Brand (stand up, being married to Katy Perry for a minute), Mila Kunis (That 70’s Show, Black Swan), Bill Hader (SNL, Adventureland), and smaller parts played by Jonah Hill, Jack McBrayer, Jason Bateman, William Baldwin, and Paul Rudd with the best line of the movie: “When life gives you lemons, just say ‘fuck the lemons’ and bail.” And that’s why there are no lemons in the menu!

One obvious option is: sweatpants, mixing bowl, and cereal. Channel your inner Peter, if you’re like me you won’t have to dig very deep.

Entree: B (your) L (all over someone’s) T(s). Sorry, everyone.
Side: A traditional Hawaiian snack, veganized Lau Lau.
Dessert: If you like Pina Coladas…and eating cake.
Mocktail: I think straight up cranberry juice is gross, but let’s still celebrate Aldous’ sobriety with a Cranberry Kiss.

posted: September 19, 2014
under: 2000s, comedy
4 Comments on Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Inglorious Basterds

Say it with me: Naatzees.

Inglorious Basterds is a cross between a war movie and a spaghetti western, and like all Tarantino movies, it’s filled with action and violence, and it’s pretty long. There are two main story lines that meet: A German Colonel dubbed ‘The Jew Hunter’ doing his job and the woman who got away from him, and her cinema being used to show a Nazi film; and the Basterds, a group of American soldiers who are known for ambushing and killing Nazis. It’s historically accurate up to a certain point, and then it is delightfully not. It’s really hard to talk about this movie without giving away major plot points and twists, so bear with me.

Hans Landa, the hunter, arrives on the screen and seems downright pleasant. He charms the people he’s interviewing, makes them feel at ease, and then drops the bomb on them that he knows that they’re hiding something and they crumble. Which is why he is one of the most terrifying villains you will ever see on the screen, that and the fact that he REALLY enjoys his job. I mean, just look at him.

We flash forward three years, to the Basterds being formed by Aldo Raine, and then to them earning their reputation in Germany. We also meet the woman who escaped from the hunter in the previous chapter, quietly living in Paris and running a cinema under a new name. Unfortunately, she catches the eye of a famous German soldier who does not take her polite rebuffs as a hint, and ends up convincing the Minister of Propaganda to host the premiere for his film in her cinema. Emmanuelle literally cannot refuse, and is subjected to an interview with the hunter, who thankfully does not recognize her.

Both Emmanuelle and the Basterds see the premiere as an opportunity to do some damage to the Nazi party, but will they succeed? You have to watch to find out!

I know some people dislike Tarantino movies for a variety of reasons, but no one can argue that his casting is always impeccable. Brad Pitt is a wonderful actor, I never see Brad Pitt in his characters and he provides the comic relief needed to make this movie less intense. Christoph Waltz is amazingly articulate and rightly won several ‘best actor’ awards for his portrayal of Hans Landa.

Starring Brad Pitt (who?), Melanie Laurent, Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained, Water For Elephants) Eli Roth (Death Proof, director of Hosteland Cabin Fever), Michael Fassbender (Prometheus, X-Men: First Class), Diane Kruger (The Bridge, Troy), and many other talented bilingual actors.

Since almost the entire movie takes place in France, our menu is French.  Also I think it would be just a tad insensitive to feature German food.  Just a tad.

Appetizer:  France is known for its variety of cheeses, and there are a ton of of fancy nut based cheeses on the internet, so here’s a Buzzfeed list of a good selection.
Entree:  Pot-au-feu is a classic French dish and very simple and easily open to vegan interpretation.
Dessert:  Strudel, of course.  Give Hans the finger and eat it without cream, but you may wash it down with a big glass of (non-dairy, obviously) milk.

P.S. I am sorry for the gap in posts, I made the mistake of watching a lot of movies that I hadn’t seen in a long time a month ago, and now I don’t know what half of my notes mean so there was a bit of a struggle in there. Also video games.

posted: September 12, 2014
under: 2000s, action, comedy, period piece
No Comments on Inglorious Basterds

Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle

That wallpaper is SCARY, dudes.

Harold and Kumar is definitely one of those movies where I said, “That movie sounds stupid.  I’m never watching that.”  And it is pretty stupid – stupidly FUNNY.  It’s a stoner comedy that purposely adds elements to mess with anyone who is watching the movie stoned.   Like them riding a cheetah through the forest on the most blatant green screen ever and a two minute fantasy montage about Kumar marrying a giant bag of weed.

Harold and Kumar are odd couple roomies who love pot and fast food.  Harold is an uptight investment banker who lets his co-workers walk all over him and can’t even say hi to the cute girl in the elevator, while Kumar is goofing his way through med school interviews so his dad will keep paying for his apartment and, presumably, his weed.  One night, they get high and decide to go to White Castle.  MOVIE OVER.  j/k, j/k, obviously there are obstacles in their way, adventures, more weed, extreme bros, Freakshow, Neil Patrick Harris…

 

Yeah, that’s right.  If anything, you should watch the movie to see NPH play a fictionalized, womanizing, ball-tripping version of himself.  This was the beginning of people realizing that NPH is a badass.  Also be prepared to sing along to Wilson Phillips without shame because Hold On is a straight JAM.

Starring John Cho (American Pie, Star Trek reboot), Kal Penn (House, HIMYM), and cameos from a ton of people:  Christopher Meloni, David Krumholtz, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Ryan Reynolds, Fred Willard, Anthony Anderson, Mailn Akerman, and Jamie Kennedy.

Entree:  Sliders, but probably not 30 of them.  You can make your own (and make buns if needed), but I feel this is a time when it’s appropriate to pop open a box of the Gardein sliders.

Side:  White Castle serves crinkle cut fries, which give me flashbacks to grade school and make me want to dry heave, but to each their own.  If you want crinkle fries, get a bag!  If you want to make weed jokes, herbed sweet potato fries fit the bill.

Dessert/drink: A curry slushie sounds awful (and racist), but a matcha slushie sounds delightful.  And it’s green, too!

posted: September 2, 2014
under: 2000s, comedy
7 Comments on Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle

Josie and the Pussycats

 

Okay, I think we’ve established that I am no fine art cinema connoisseur.  But there are even movies where I say, “That looks incredibly dumb and i’m not watching it.”  Josie and the Pussycats was one of those movies.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I was alone with my friend’s alcoholic mother, who I was deeply afraid of and who wanted to watch it, I never would’ve seen it.

Josie, Mel, and Val have big dreams of being rock stars, but the reality is that they’re playing in bowling alleys and Alan M, the hottest guy in Riverdale, is clueless about Josie’s feelings for him.  They’re discovered by a record executive who needs to replace a boy band that he just offed, and they’re whisked away to The City to get makeovers, record an album, and help brainwash the youth of Americ–I mean uh, be totally jerkin’.

Josie and the Pussycats heavily makes fun of the music industry, from the amazing fake boy band to the over-the-top corporate sponsorship that goes on these days.  You might see the Hostess sign in the picture above them, or them drinking coffee at Starbucks and think ‘ew, product placement’, but when you look at the Target-themed plane and room, and the McDonald’s themed bathroom, you have to realize the joke (also the movie received zero compensation for all of these product placements).

At times, the movie even makes fun of itself.  When they’re flying to The City, Alexander (the band’s manager, if you aren’t familiar with the comics) looks at his sister (who hates Josie) and says, “I still don’t understand why you’re here.” and she says, “I’m here because I was in the comic book.”

The cast is also quite wonderful, with several award winners.  Alan Cumming (X-Men 2, The Good Wife, more awards than you can shake a stick at), Rosario Dawson (Kids, Sin City, Rent, Death Proof, nominated for many awards), Gabriel Mann (Revenge, The Bourne Movies), Rachel Leigh Cook (She’s All That, Perception), Paulo Costanzo (Road Trip, Royal Pains), and super-funny Missi Pyle (The Sarah Silverman Program, Big Fish, Betty Bee in Pushing Daisies).  Tara Reid, god bless her, has never played a role better than the space cadet hippie who cries over puppies getting old (the quote on my twitter profile is one of her lines from the movie).

I’ll let Seth Green represent DuJour with a single move.

The soundtrack did way better than the movie, and with good reason.  It was produced by Babyface (who also has a cameo in the movie as The Chief), vocals were provided by Kay Hanley of Letters To Cleo, and people like Bif Naked and Jane Wiedlin contributed.

Entree:  One packet of ramen does go a long way, but grilled ramen will go even further because it’s a whole meal!

Dessert:  When the going gets tough, the tough make lemon(ade) cupcakes!

 

 

 

posted: September 26, 2013
under: 2000s, comedy, kid friendly, teen
1 Comment on Josie and the Pussycats

Fanboys

Who’s ready for a road trip to 1998?  Remember that year, before you knew who JarJar Binks was?  That was truly the age of innocence.  Unfortunately, we can never go back.  Fortunately, I was never that invested in Star Wars to begin with so I was able to say ‘that sucked’ and move on with my life.

In case you didn’t know, Fanboys is about a group of friends who decide that they’re going to drive to the Skywalker Ranch and break in so they can see The Phantom Menace before it’s released in theaters.  Why?  Because one of them has cancer, and if your friend has cancer you help him break into George Lucas’ home.  If I had cancer I would hope that all of you would join me in a van stuffed with bags of vegan marshmallows, destination Rob Thomas’ house.  As you can guess, many wacky hijinks ensue and many cameos are to be had.  I think the nerd van is AMAZING.

This film isn’t without issues, though.  My biggest one is that Kristen Bell, who packs a whole lot of funny in a tiny person, is sorely underused and misused as the token female who is only there to get the stupid guys out of trouble and serve as a love interest.  I’m not very fond of the ‘oh we’re in a gay bar so your threat of anal rape is a total joke on you’ thing either.  The threat of man-on-man rape as an emasculating joke is really tired in general.  Also the sheer amount of Rush.  Although I guess it makes sense that the character who reminds me a lot of Booger from Revenge of the Nerds would be a Rush fan.

My favorite part is when a guy covered in Star Wars tattoos, and a costume-wearing Trekkie, both played by Seth Rogen, meet in the middle of a giant brawl and fight each other.  I believe this is what they call a metaphor.  Although do Star Wars fans and Star Trek fans really hate each other that much?  Everyone I know likes both or just doesn’t care that much about Star Trek.  Although the characters make fun of the Trekkies a lot, they also take a few jabs at the Phantom Menace, including ending the movie with one of the characters asking the others, “What if the movie sucks?”

Starring Jay Baruchel (Undeclared, Tropic Thunder), Dan Fogler (Take Me Home Tonight, Balls of Fury), Sam Huntington (Being Human, Detroit Rock City), Chris Marquette (Freddy vs. Jason, Joan of Arcadia), Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars, Heroes, loving sloths), and honestly so many cameos that you can read the list on Wikipedia if you’re interested.

So you can guess that this will be a Star Wars themed menu, right?  I was hoping to find veganized versions of the recipes that appear in the Star Wars cookbook, but unfortunately there isn’t much.  However, I found two posts with many pictures of Star Wars themed parties that include simple-yet-awesome themed foods here and here.  I mean, come on, Jabba the Hummus?!  How could you not.  The second link is a family who doesn’t eat red meat so they had Chew-Boca burgers.  Vegans, how did we not think of this stuff first?  Do we need to go stand in a corner?  Maybe it’s because i’m so easily impressed by anything punny.

 

 

posted: September 12, 2013
under: 2000s, comedy, period piece
1 Comment on Fanboys

Secretary

 

 

Trying to find SFW screencaps for this movie was hard, because it’s more like SEXretary, am I right?  Okay, not really, but this is a movie about a dominant/submissive relationship between a man and his secretary so there is bondage and all of that fun stuff you don’t want to show your kids.

Lee Holloway is possibly the most passive person on the planet, and will do whatever anyone tells her without seeming to care about any of it.  The only thing she does care about is self harm, and they never really explain why she cuts herself (maybe because her family is a mess), because that’s not the focus of the story.  After being hospitalized for a serious cutting injury, she goes to typing school, gets a certificate, and sets out looking for a job.  Spoiler alert, James Spader is going to hire her and he really likes the fact that she’s like a ball of clay who will change anything that he tells her he finds annoying.  One important part of their relationship is that he’s the first person to directly confront her about her self-harm and why she does it, whereas her family just seems to tip toe around it.

I usually don’t notice things like this, but the set designs in Secretary are beautiful.  Edward’s office is very natural, full of woods and natural colors.  Lee’s house is full of plastic, including the furniture, in a variety of pastel and bright colors.

 

I will admit that I find the scenes leading up to the very end (but not quite the end) to be kind of ridiculous and cheesy, but that decision was purposely made to show that BDSM relationships can be a part of a normal couple’s life and doesn’t have to result in a dark movie or an ending.

Starring James Spader (80’s dickweasel, Boston Legal, The Office), Maggie Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, The Dark Knight), Jeremy Davies (Lost, Justified), Lesley Ann Warren (Clue, In Plain Sight), and Amy Locane (Cry-Baby, Airheads).

Thinking up a menu for this movie wasn’t even necessary, because Edward has already told us what to eat!  I will be eating a hell of a lot more than a scoop of potatoes and four peas, though.

Entree:  I am in no mood to try to veganize a porterhouse steak (one of those kinds with a huge bone in it), but I think that Seitan Filet Mignon is a fine stand-in.

Side:  When I googled ‘vegan creamed potatoes’, google was all, “Oh, you want mashed potatoes!” God dammit google, there is a DIFFERENCE.  Then I found these creamed potatoes with peas and that covers all of our bases.

Dessert:  As much ice cream as you’d care to eat, of course!  Although you can see that in the photo above there’s a pie on the table, Lee doesn’t mention it while getting permission to eat so we’re sticking with ice cream.  If you don’t have the means or desire to make your own, I am a big fan of the Purely Decadent Cookie Dough.  Frozen pureed bananas are NOT ice cream.  /soapbox

 

 

posted: September 9, 2013
under: 2000s, drama, romance
3 Comments on Secretary

Grandma’s Boy

Grandma’s Boy falls into the category of ‘movies I thought sounded incredibly stupid until I watched them’. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle also falls in that category. A stoner comedy about a video game nerd who lives with his grandma? Produced by Adam Sandler? Appparently I wasn’t the only one who felt this way, since this movie barely made its budget back but then made over 30 million in dvd sales. DVD SALES DO NOT LIE, PEOPLE.

My husband says that Grandma’s Boy has no real point until the last fifteen minutes, and I think that’s accurate: Alex is a a guy floating through life, being an accountant-turned-video-game-tester who likes to smoke pot. And then his roommate gets them evicted, and after accidentally trying to give his friends mom a pearl necklace, he’s forced to move in with his grandma and her two roommates. Potheads + wacky old ladies = hijinks abound! At the same time, a lovely young woman shows up at the video game company where Alex works to help get the current game back on schedule, attracting the attention of the creepy Neo-wannabe game creator.

There are some purposely extreme stereotypes in here: the wacky drug dealer is REALLY wacky and all of his pot has ridiculous names, the virgin who lives with his parents has a CAR BED, and the uber nerd with no social skills is…really, really, nerdy and sometimes talks like a robot.

If you’re still like, “Hmmm, no, i’m not sure I want to watch this.” I present to you, Linda Cardellini doing ‘Push It’. Any serious actor who tries to lick their own boob for the sake of comedy deserves all of the awards.

Featuring a few people who you may sort of recognize from small roles in Adam Sandler films: Jonathan Loughran, Peter Dante, and Allen Covert; plus a few cameos/small parts by comedians David Spade, Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, and Nick Swardson. Also starring Linda Cardellini (Freaks and Geeks, ER), Joel David Moore (Bones, Avatar), Shirley Jones (The Partridge Family), Shirley Knight (The Dutchman, As Good As It Gets), Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond, Remington Steele), and Jonah Hill (Superbad, 21 Jump Street).


Onto the menu! Your first option is to get stoned and raid your grandma’s fridge. Don’t burn your hands when you take everything out of the oven. Or, you can make some snacks:

Salt and Pepper tofu (lost Veganomicon recipe), if you eat it while trying to lick your boob, please send me the video.
Hemp seeds are expensive, so instead of some pricey hippie joke, try this Dill WEED sandwich from, of course, The Vegan Stoner.
I couldn’t find a sprouted enchilada recipe, but of course, there are tofu cakes. Shots of wheat grass, if you want to be sober AND vomit, are optional.
Ice cream sandwiches, hold the lettuce.

Serve everything with a big mug of tea, that you did NOT find in the room where your pothead grandson is staying.

posted: October 26, 2012
under: 2000s, comedy
146 Comments on Grandma’s Boy

Kill Bill (1 & 2)

You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

So i’m sure even if you haven’t seen Kill Bill (for some unknown reason like you don’t own a tv and you can’t put dvds in your computer and you never go to a friends house who has a dvd player or you just hate movies), i’m sure you know what it’s about. In a word: revenge. Uma Thurman (aka The Bride) wakes up from a coma after being shot in the head. Everything she had before, gone. So she makes a list, checks it twice, and goes on a revenge killing spree!

I believe this movie (i’m lumping both together as one here) is what some random newspaper quotes would call a “non-stop thrill ride”. The blood and gore are over-the-top ridiculous on purpose, as an homage to 70’s martial arts films. I want to keep gushing but we would be here all night so 1. Check out this list for a refresher on why you should watch Kill Bill rightthehellnow and 2. I can’t believe they left off the Pussy Wagon!

Starring Uma Thurman (Pulp Fiction, Batman & Robin), Lucy Liu (Ally McBeal, Charlie’s Angels), Vivica A. Fox (Set It Off, lots of tv), Daryl Hannah (Blade Runner, Splash), David Carradine (Kung Fu and many, many other things) and Michael Madsen (Resevoir Dogs). P.S. If you like listening to Michael Madsen talk as much as I do, he has done a lot of movies and many of them are available on Netflix, I recommend The Killing Jar.

Entree: This movie is a pretty big Captain Obvious as far as menu selection goes, so it will come as no shock as I present a video on how to make sushi. It’s fun, easy, and makes a great party food! If you’re stuck on the basic veggie roll, here are some fun ideas to try.
Entree 2: Udon Noodles with Sesame Umeboshi Sauce and Tofu, a salty dish for the rock salt that get’s shot into The Bride’s chest.
Dessert: My grandma took me to my first wedding when I was a kid, and they served Red Velvet cake. Ever since then, that’s been stuck in my head as THE wedding cake.

posted: October 3, 2012
under: 2000s, action, drama
8 Comments on Kill Bill (1 & 2)

May

We’re going indie horror today! May is kind of a modern take on Carrie (ironically, the main character is played by the same woman who played Carrie in the tv movie remake). It is about a lonely, weird woman who had a rough childhood because of her lazy eye, which she finally gets corrected. When she meets people she does whatever they do to please them, and like most delicate souls, she gets crushed repeatedly. And then she snaps. Oh, and her best friend is a doll.

The “horror” part is absent until towards the end, there is a lot of build-up to the bloody rampage that ensues at the end. Unlike a lot of horror movies, May actually has a decent cast, good writing, and all that jazz. It is, dare I say it, a good film! Everyone should watch it, even if you are not the horror movie type.

Starring Angela Bettis (Girl Interrupted, Carrie remake, Dexter), Jeremy Sisto (Suburgatory, Law & Order, Clueless) and Anna Faris (House Bunny, all of those Scary Movies).

Entree: One of the things that May does to impress Jeremy Sisto is to take up smoking, so how about some smoky tempeh bacon (scroll down)? Make a double batch because like cigarettes, tempeh bacon is highly addictive.
Side: While thinking up menu ideas, I thought of this ‘I Do Win Friends With Salad‘ shirt, obviously there are a million salads to win friends with, Susan and Isa both have many delicious recipes that would complement the tempeh bacon.
Dessert: You know the real way to make friends is to share food, and I was happy to find a vegan recipe for Amish friendship bread! P.S. Before anyone gets testy about the mention of using eggs OR egg replacer at the bottom, that is part of the instructions you would pass onto your friends, who may or may not be vegan, to finish the bread as they please.

posted: October 26, 2011
under: 2000s, drama, horror
4 Comments on May

Ginger Snaps

You may notice that a lot of the movies i’m posting are straight-up slasher films.  I KNOW.  It’s not that I don’t like movies about various creatures (zombies are getting their own special post), it’s just that I don’t have a thing for werewolves or vampires in particular, no matter how shirtless or sparkly they may be.  I thought Underworld was boring, An American Werewolf In London does nothing for me (please don’t throw things at me), and The Howling series is okay, I guess.  Silver Bullet was one of my favorite childhood movies, but I couldn’t think of a menu for it.  Thankfully, Ginger Snaps is awesome, easy to build a menu around, AND is a werewolf movie, providing a little variety!

Ginger and Brigitte are two sisters who have no friends but each other, and a morbid outlook on life.  Things start to change when Ginger a) gets her first period at 16 and b) gets attacked by a werewolf.  She becomes increasingly more brazen and bitchy as the movie goes on, and Brigitte becomes increasingly horrified that her sister is turning into such a hobag.  In this movie, it takes awhile for someone to transform fully into a werewolf, so while Ginger slowly appears more wolf-like, Brigitte tries to find a cure or a way to slow down the process, wacky hijinks ensue, you know.

The movie spawned two sequels, the second movie was just as good, if not better than the first (I don’t want to say too much because the plot automatically spoils the end of the first one).  The third movie is a prequel that takes place in the 19th century, and is pretty much just like the first movie.  It’s not bad, but it’s not that interesting.

Mimi Rogers is the most famous person in this indie Canadian flick, Katherine Isabelle and Emily Perkins are mostly for playing Ginger and Brigitte.  They’ve both been on Supernatural (Emily was the superfan Becky Rosen), and they played sisters in Another Cinderella Story, which is a Disney movie that I will never, ever watch.  Emily also played the abortion clinic receptionist in Juno, and Katherine was the girl who liked to drink and smoke in Freddy vs. Jason (p.s. she has used a body double for every nude scene she’s ever ‘done’).

So what’s a growing wolf who has cramps going to eat?

Entree:  I can usually tell my period is coming by my sudden desire to eat a bag of Tings and a whole shelf of dark chocolate, but this seitan in mole sounds much more healthy and delicious.

Side:  How can you fit carby, salty, and sweet into one food?  Spicy sweet potato fries, of course!

Dessert:  I suppose you could just make gingersnap cookies, but why do that when you can make pumpkin pie with a gingersnap crust and bourbon sauce?

posted: October 8, 2011
under: 2000s, drama, horror, teen
4 Comments on Ginger Snaps

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