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Hatchet

Man, i’ve never been to Mardi Gras, but these kids make it look fun!

Usually horror spoofs are so over-the-top ridiculous and rife with references to other movies (Scary Movie series, anyone?  No?  That’s what I thought.), they’re unwatchable.  Or at least not enjoyable.  Hatchet is purposely ridiculous (but not too much) and has over-the-top kill scenes, but it’s not one lame pop-culture reference after another.  It is not, however, for the squeamish.  A quote from the director: “”Ultimately, it came down to frames and a couple shots,” says Green of the re-editing. “There’s a few deaths that don’t go the distance anymore. For instance, ____ still gets the belt sander put in her face. And _____ can still get her face ripped in half, but _____ can only get hit with a hatchet a certain number of times. It was thirteen times that he got chopped before; now it’s three.”

The basic plot is that a group of friends, in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, decide to go on a haunted swamp tour. At night.  As you can guess, pretty much all of these idiots are going to die.

One thing I really appreciate as a horror fan, is that certain actors will do almost any movie for the love of the genre (it certainly isn’t for fat paychecks and awards).  Hatchet has three heavy-hitters, Robert Englund (Freddy Kruger), Tony Todd (Candyman), and Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th, the only person to play Jason more than once).  Mercedes McNab, the cheeriest vampire in the history of television (Buffy/Angel), graces us with her presence.  And by presence, I mean boobs.

If you have kittee’s first issue of Papa Tofu, she has a section of NOLA recipes for you to choose from.

Entree:  If you don’t have Papa Tofu, you can still enjoy some kittee-cuisine with these roast beef seitan po’ boys.

Side:  New Orleans style white beans, or if you see a can of Blue Runner beans around and are lazy, use those (check for veganness, i’ve had a few kinds but not all).

Dessert:  If you’re feeling ambitious, you can always make a king cake!  If not and/or you like rum, you can make bananas foster and serve it with ice cream.

posted: October 7, 2011
under: 2000s, comedy, horror
3 Comments on Hatchet

The Devil’s Rejects

 

The Devil’s Rejects, a movie about a family of serial killers on the run from the law, is one of the few sequels to blow its predecessor out of the water.  House of 1000 corpses made an effort to be weird and trippy, this movie has the same characters but a totally different feel.  It has the feel of a gritty, low-budget horror movie, but…with a budget.  And good acting.  It’s definitely one of the best horror movies of the last ten years, there is zero comedy or camp, and it is full of blood, grossness, cussing, and filth.  It’s definitely not a movie to watch for fun, or if you don’t like horror movies.  I obviously lean towards the more campy side of horror, but this is still one of my favorites because it is so damn good.

This movie has Bill Mosley, who scares the pants out of me just by speaking.  Leslie Easterbrook (Callahan from the Police Academy movies) takes over the role of Mother Firefly (and I think she does a better job).  Sid Haig is a veteran of 70’s Blaxsplotation films.  There are a ton of horror favorites in minor roles and cameos, like PJ Soles (Carrie, Halloween), Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead), Danny Trejo (uh, he’s in EVERYTHING), plus EG Daily (Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, the voice of Tommy from Rugrats), and Brian Posehn (Sarah Silverman Project), and Dave Sheridan (Scary Movie, MTV’s  Buzzkill).

For this movie, the menu theme was obvious:  the dirty south!  If you have the Hot Damn, Hell Yeah/Dirty South book, anything in there would work.  If not, I picked a bunch of recipes for you!  Seriously, I had trouble not posting 50 recipes.

Entree:  I couldn’t decide between beer-battered tofu with ranch dressing and fried green tomatoes, so why not make both?

Side:  To balance out the fried food, texas caviar makes a great, light side, or roasted okra for something quick and easy.

Dessert:  I swear I didn’t just dig through Fat Free Vegan, but when I googled ‘vegan southern desserts’ and this southern style banana pudding recipe (that I have made and love) was on the first page, I mean, come on!

posted: October 5, 2011
under: 2000s, horror
5 Comments on The Devil’s Rejects

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