» 90s Lights! Camera! Vegan!

Pecker

This screencap sums up their entire relationship.

Despite what the title might make you think (pervert), Pecker is a movie about a young lad who spends his time making sandwiches and taking pictures of the everyday sights and people in his area of Baltimore, and his quirky-yet-loveable family. No one thinks much of his pictures until a fancy shmancy art dealer stumbles upon his show. The upside is that he gets a lot of money, a trip to New York, and is utterly pleased with himself to the point where you kind of want to wipe the smile off of his face (see above photo). The downside is this makes his girlfriend miserable, his house gets robbed, and his family and friends are now fair game for mockery. The second upside is that he will turn the tables on the New York art crowd and in the end, everyone wins!

I want to point out that this movie is NOT kid friendly. There is tea bagging in a gay bar, and to quote the movie, the pubic hair of a stripper. In my research I found that this movie received quite a few negative reviews, and while I admit that the Virgin Mary coming to life at the end of the movie is a bit ‘wtf why’, overall it makes me laugh pretty hard. Little Chrissy is the best movie character EVER. I don’t know how it’s possible to make the line, “Pecker, please bring me a soda!” funny, but that kid NAILED IT. Actually, I think everyone nailed their parts pretty well. Peep this amazing cast:

Edward Furlong (Terminator 2, American History X), Christina Ricci (Addams Family, Monster, Sleepy Hollow), Mary Kay Place (Big Love, Citizen Ruth), Martha Plimpton (Raising Hope, The Goonies, the single best episode of Law & Order SVU ever), Brendan Sexton III (Empire Records, Boys Don’t Cry), Lili Taylor (I shot Andy Warhol, Six Feet Under), and Bess Armstrong has a small role that makes for a mini-My So-Called life reunion between her and Mary Kay Place. You may also recognize John Waters regulars Mink Stole, Mary Vivian Pierce, Alan J. Wendl, Susan Lowe, Channing Wilroy, and Patty Hearst. Yes, the bank robber. She also did a guest spot on Veronica Mars!

Entree: I used quite a bit of google-fu to try and find a specific vegan pit beef recipe, to no avail. So make yourself some dry-rub seitan (use the spice mix in the first article for authenticity), horseradish sauce, and rye bread. Add some sliced onion, tomatoes, and lettuce, and ta-da!
Side: To celebrate Pecker’s colorful family, Miss Betty’s fashion, AND Little Chrissy’s conversion to veganism, check out this beautiful Cosmic Cashew Kale and Chickpeas with Confetti Quinoa.
Dessert: Nothing says “I love you, Little Chrissy.” like sugar cookies! If you can get your hands on some vegan gummy worms too, all the better.

posted: October 16, 2012
under: 90s, comedy
4 Comments on Pecker

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Jesus loves winners!

Drop Dead Gorgeous is a mockumentary about a beauty pageant in a small town in Minnesota. Because of the subject matter, the cast is almost exclusively female, and I think it’s one of the best female-led comedies of the 90’s.

The main character is Amber, who wants to win the pageant to help her get out of a dead end life in this small town. She lives with her chain smoking mom in a trailer, she’s super nice, and she’s a talented tap dancer. She is totes going to nail this shit, right? WRONG. The head of the pageant committee’s daughter has also entered, and…strange things happen. Exploding threshers, exploding trailers, stray bullets to the head. Anyone who crosses Becky is eliminated, the judges are clearly paid off, and her family is the richest family in town. But is that enough to get her to the state pageant? We’ll see!

Besides being incredibly quotable (“Mom still cries whenever she sees a tilt-a-whirl or a fat lady in a tube top.”), and having some really bizarre moments like a dramatic monlogue from Soylent Green or Becky (badly) singing and dancing with a blow up Jesus on a cross, I think the best part of Drop Dead Gorgeous is that there are so. Many. Funny. Women.

Kirsten Dunst (Spiderman, Bring It On) and Denise Richards (Starship Troopers, Wild Things) are fine as the leads, but they are outshined by the three duos of adult women in the movie. Ellen Barkin (The New Normal, This Boy’s Life) and Allison Janney (The West Wing, Juno) are Amber’s mom and her best friend, and they are hilarious. The best part of the pageant is every shot of them in the audience. Kirstie Alley (Cheers, Look Who’s Talking) plays Becky’s mom and Mindy Sterling (Austin Powers) is her lackey/verbal punching bag. And finally, Nora Dunn (SNL) and Mo Gaffney (That 70’s Show, The Kathy & Mo Show) have a few minutes as the ladies in charge of the state pageant. And of course, Brittany Murphy (Clueless, King of the Hill) is awesome. I’m sure i’m not alone when I say GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU DEAD YOU WERE SO FUNNY AND SO AWESOME. Oh and some girl named Amy Adams who is now super famous got her movie career kicked off here.

And now onto the menu! The first thing I did was google ‘vegan lutefisk‘. You have fun with that.

Appetizer: One great thing about being vegan is that you never have to worry about food poisoning from undercooked shellfish. We could win every beauty pageant with a seafood bar! I know not a lot of people have access to vegan versions of seafood, but I bet this shrimp cocktail would still be good with this fish flavored seitan.
Entree: With all of the funerals and church potlucks going on, you need a casserole. Or as they call it in Minnesota, a ‘Hot Dish‘. A looser recipe with more of an explanation can be found here.
Dessert: Gladys may have had her faults, but apparently she could solve world hunger with a rhubarb pie.

posted: October 11, 2012
under: 90s, comedy, teen
15 Comments on Drop Dead Gorgeous

Back to the Future and Pleasantville

Hey hey, it’s double feature Saturday! There are a lot of movies that would basically have the same menu, so why not make a night of it? As we speak, i’m hiding under a blanket on my couch, watching Back to the Future. It’s cold, let’s power through some movies!


Back to the Future and Pleasantville both involve a dude (and in one case, his hussy sister) going back in time to the 50’s. Their similarities in plot end there since Pleasantville’s 1950’s scenes take place in a fictional tv world. While everything that Marty does in Back to the Future alters his future in a bad way (aka accidentally making his mom fall in love with him), the changes that David and Jennifer bring about in Pleasantville are liberating (which of course leads to attempts at oppression). And Pleasantville may not have a Doc Brown, but it does have Don Knotts!

If you’ve never seen Pleasantville, it’s about two siblings (David and Jennifer) who get catapulted into the world of an old tv show from the 50’s, where everything is perfect. It never rains, there are no fires or crime, everyone is happy. Except Jennifer, so she goes about slutting it up with Paul “Fast and Furious” Walker, blows bubbles, teaches her mom about masturbation, and slowly, her actions spread and people and objects slowly turn from black and white to color. Which, of course means that some people get really upset about the changes and try to ban color, and people who are in color are harassed. I think it’s a metaphor or something. The transition from black and white to color is really neat to watch, the movie was actually filmed all in color and then the black and white parts were added digitally. In the end, the lesson is that there is no such thing as the perfect life.

If you haven’t seen Back to the Future, I don’t know what to do with you.

Both movies star a whole slew of famous people who are really good at their jobs. I really like playing ‘Ohhhh that’s ______ from ______!’ which is why I make the list of actors, but there are so many between the two films, just IMDB that shizz.

Both movies heavily feature a diner, so the perfect menu to bring these two films together is, 50’s diner food!

Entree:
Now you could go with the obvious burger, but let’s be a tad more creative and make this No Tuna Melt.
Side: You don’t have to make these Baked Potato Fries, but if you do, you have to do the thyme variation for maximum pun-age.
Dessert: You can make the Old Fashioned Creamy Rice Pudding from Vegan Diner, or you could channel Agent Cooper and his favorite diner food, Cherry Pie.

posted: October 6, 2012
under: 80s, 90s, comedy, kid friendly, teen
6 Comments on Back to the Future and Pleasantville

Fried Green Tomatoes

Someone pointed out to me that for Clue I should’ve done something with plums and mustard because, duh (I felt pretty dumb). If you have any suggestions for the movies I post, including specific links, feel free to post them! The more ideas, the merrier.

Although most of my favorite movies do involve blood and boobs, I wanted to do a wide range of movies this year. Fried Green Tomatoes is one of the few ‘chick flicks’ that I like, and I think it’s because it’s not some ridiculous love story where we’re supposed to believe that making out in the rain is romantic or some shit. It’s about friendship, food, and maybe…a little murder. Crap, even my chick flick involves murder. I tried, okay?

Fried Green Tomatoes is set in two time periods, current day (1991) and Alabama in the 1920-40’s. While visiting an old folks home, Evelyn meets Mrs. Threadgoode (Ninny) and they strike up a friendship. Ninny tells Evelyn stories from the 20’s and inspires Evelyn to do something about her unhappy marriage and life. The stories are about a tomboy named Idgie and her relationship with her brother’s fiance, Ruth.

There are good times and bad, wacky hijinks and run-ins with the KKK. Eventually, Idgie and Ruth open The Whistle Stop Cafe together, which is where the title comes from. And since this is a chick movie, there’s some sadness that will make even my black heart cry after the 18th viewing.

One interesting tidbit is that the movie left out the romantic relationship that occurs between Idgie and Ruth in the book. It’s implied that Idgie is a lesbian, but that’s as far as the director took it.

Also, the town my sister-in-law lives in has a street called Towanda and I think it took at least a dozen visits before I got screaming “TOWANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” out of my system as we drove past. No, I did not ram anyone’s sports car while doing so.

Starring Kathy Bates (The Office, Misery), Jessica Tandy (Driving Miss Daisy, Cocoon), Mary Stuart Masterson (Benny & Joon, Some Kind of Wonderful), and Mary Louise Parker (Weeds, The West Wing).

Let’s get our menu from some awesome southern ladies!

Entree: If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know why eating Susan’s famous Barbecued Seitan Ribs is worth a chuckle. Heh, cannibalism.
Side 1: I mean…duh.
Side 2: I don’t think they’re are specifically mentioned in the movie, but when you want a green vegetable and you want it southern, you can’t go wrong with collards!
Dessert: While looking up a recipe for a different movie, I found out that there is actually an entire blog dedicated to veganizing recipes from the Whistle Stop Cafe cookbook! I thought this Frozen Fruit Salad looked interesting, if you don’t want to mess with agar you can make a peach cobbler for Ruth’s time spent in Georgia.

posted: October 4, 2012
under: 90s, comedy, drama, period piece
10 Comments on Fried Green Tomatoes

The Addams Family

Who is the most awesome tv/movie family of all time? If you think it’s The Brady Bunch, please go have sexual relations with yourself. If you said The Munsters, okay, but they aren’t as popular as The Addams. Did you know that The Addams Family started as a comic strip, and none of them even had names until the tv show? For a brief history of all things Addams, go here.

While I think the first movie is awesome, I think the sequel is even better so let’s jump to that! In the second movie, Morticia and Gomez welcome a new baby, Pubert. How those two don’t have 18 kids and counting i’ll never know, because one of the running themes of the tv show and the movie is that they’re constantly making bedroom eyes at each other. So they hire a nanny, who (spoiler alert) is evil, and convinces the parents to ship Wednesday and Pugsley off to summer camp, which is the BEST part of the movie. They could scrap everything else and turn it into a short called ‘Wednesday and Pugsley Go To Camp Chippewa” and that would be just fine. Then some other stuff happens and what it boils down to is that this family loves each other a lot and it’s very heartwarming and blah di dah.

This is a ‘who isn’t in this movie’, so i’ll just point out a few: Mercedes McNab (Hatchet, Buffy/Angel) is the annoying blonde girl at camp, David Krumholtz (Numb3rs, Harold and Kumar, Serenity) plays the nerdy love interest of Wednesday, and John Franklin (Issac from Children of the Corn) plays Cousin Itt. And of course, Peter MacNicol (Ally McBeal, Numb3rs, 24, Ghostbusters II) and Christine Baranski (The Good Wife, Mama Mia, Sheldon’s mom on Big Bang Theory) are amazing as the directors of Camp Chippewa.

For the menu, I went with black and white foods, with a spicy kick to represent the burning passion between Morticia and Gomez. If you want you can just drink lemonade and make vegan girl scout cookies, there is a recipe for Thin Mints in The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur and a recipe for Samoas in Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar.

Entree: Black and White Bean Burgers with Spicy Mango Salsa
Side: Yuca Fries (omg how cute is that blog?!)
Dessert: Black and White Cookies

posted: October 19, 2011
under: 90s, comedy, kid friendly
7 Comments on The Addams Family

Hocus Pocus

Amuck!  Amuck amuck amuck amuck a–oooof!

I thought it was time for another family-friendly movie, and I don’t think there’s a better Halloween kiddie movie than Hocus Pocus (sorry, Halloweentown fans).  The witches are a little scary but more goofy than anything, there’s an adorable talking cat, a cute boy, and the bullies get what’s coming to them.  And despite being a PG movie, I think most of the jokes are pretty funny.  The movie received a lot of bad reviews when it first came out, but after years of being in heavy rotation on the Disney channel it’s now a cult favorite.  Also, it’s Bette Midler’s favorite movie that she’s even done!  I would wager a guess that her least favorite is Drowning Mona.

Trivia bite:  The song that Sarah Jessica Parker sings in the movie is an Edgar Allen Poe poem, not an original song.

Back in the old days before tofu, three sister witches are sucking the souls out of children, and they turned one into a cat who can’t die, because they’re meanies.  They were hung, but left behind a curse that if a virgin lights a certain candle, they can return and have one last shot at living.  Like that Margaret Cho joke about Charlies Angels, there’s the sweet one (Mary), the smart one (Winifred)…and then there’s the ho (Sarah)!  Naturally, some silly virgin lights the candle, gets yelled at by Binx the talking cat, the witches return, wacky hijinks, etc.

P.S.  No matter what you might think, Max is not the hero of this movie.  Binx is the hero!  Viva la Binx!

Since witches are all famous ladies, let’s look at the rest of the cast!  Omri Katz  doesn’t act much anymore, but we’ve all seen plenty of Thora Birch (American Beauty, Ghost World).  Ernie (aka Ice) is the bully-turned-out-and-proud football player Larry from Buffy, and Doug Jones (Billy) has played many other made up creatures, including one of the Gentlemen from the Buffy episode Hush.  Sean Murray (the human Binx) is a main character on NCIS.  Penny Marshall and her brother Garry play a married couple, the witches think Garry is their ‘master’.

Entree:  I was really happy when I googled ‘vegan witches stew‘ and one immediately leapt out!

Side:  You don’t really need a side with a stew, but how about this pumpkin spice cashew cheese dip with your favorite vegan crackers or some raw veggies?  Baby carrots can even be carved to look like fingers if you want to be creepy!

Dessert:  Did you know there’s a blog all about being a spooky vegan?  I actually discovered this while doing my pre-MoFo research, check her out!  And try out these awesome Halloween-themed sugar cookies.  Another option would be to just eat some vegan Halloween candy or some of the seasonal Sweet and Sara marshmallows, straight out of the package.

posted: October 16, 2011
under: 90s, comedy, horror, kid friendly, teen
7 Comments on Hocus Pocus

Friday the 13th

Yep, i’m tackling a biggun tonight!   Despite constantly being panned by the critics, Friday the 13th has spawned nine sequels, one mash-up (Freddy vs. Jason), and one boring remake that it thankfully seems they will not be adding to.

So why do they keep getting made and why do people keep paying money to see them?  Jason, of course!  His deformed face that only a mother could love, when covered by a hockey mask, is so familiar to us all.  Also even though there are some truly bad movies in the series, Friday the 13th never went the funny route.  Jason himself has remained scary, mostly because he is a big-ass dude who doesn’t talk, he just chops you in half.  Also, who doesn’t worry about being murdered in the woods by a maniac?  Unlike pod people or werewolves, that is something that could happen.  Probably not by some dude who drowned in a lake and who doesn’t seem to die, though.

Fun fact for those who don’t know:  Jason is NOT the original killer.  So if you haven’t seen the first one, you still have a chance to be surprised.  But the general theme of (almost) every movie is that teenagers get killed in the woods because they’re all drinking, drug taking fornicators.  Isn’t that always the case?  Horror movies were a way more powerful tool at keeping me a virgin than any birthing video in junior high.  If you have sex, you die.  Actually, even if you don’t you’ll still die, because Jason doesn’t stop to hand out sexuality questionnaires and cups to collect urine samples.

My personal favorites are the third one (3-D, the goofy Shelley, bikers!) and the fourth one (Corey Feldman, Crispin Glover’s unique dance style!).  Because of the fact that I actually want you to read this blog, if you would like to see a ranking of the films from best to worst that I pretty much agree with, here you go.  If not, onto the menu!

Entree:  What camping-friendly food will satisfy and is vegan?  Vegan tater pigs!  Tater pigs are hollowed out baking potatoes with a sausage in them, then they’re dressed like a normal baked potato.  I learned about these from a ppker, there is no real recipe.  I used an apple corer to hollow out two baking potatoes, scraping the insides until a Field Roast frankfurter would fit inside.  Then we wrapped them in foil and baked them for about an hour.  In the meantime, I made some bacon bits using Joni’s method, a cashew cream sauce, and steamed some broccoli.  We also threw some cheddar daiya on top.  Split them open and pile on your toppings!  These are a meal in themselves so you don’t need a side, especially if you add broccoli.

Here’s Brian’s so you can see what they look like without a mound of broccoli.

Dessert:  What kind of desert does a teenager on the (literal) run through the woods carry?  Trail mix cookies, of course!

 

 

 

 

posted: October 15, 2011
under: 80s, 90s, horror, teen
12 Comments on Friday the 13th

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