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Let’s dance!

Another childhood favorite, Hairspray didn’t just entertain me. It didn’t just teach me about the music, style and dances of the 60’s. It taught me about segregation and racism, more specifically, racism is for crazy assholes. I was a sheltered kid, and Penny’s mom being a paranoid lunatic in a black neighborhood in Baltimore, made little Katie scrunch up her nose and say, “Man, what’s wrong with that woman?” The Von Tussles were the bad guys, and if they supported segregation, clearly it was a bad thing. Also, they didn’t like Tracy and kept making fun of her for being fat. What a bunch of dicks!

Besides the theme of overcoming social injustices, Hairspray is about dancing. All Tracy wants in life is to be on the Corny Collins show, so one night she and her friend Penny sneak off to a dance event where Tracy wins a dance contest and is invited to try out. She gets on, steals the bitchy girl’s boyfriend, becomes a spokesmodel, fights against segregation, and despite some monkey wrenches, come out on top. It would be an underdog story, but Tracy is never really presented as an underdog. The only people who diss her are, like I said, obviously assholes. John Waters managed to take the issues of segregation and racial tension and weave them into a fun storyline, but still treat them seriously.

John Waters is well known for assembling awesome casts. He managed to get a whole slew of musicians in this one: Debbie Harry, Sonny Bono, Ruth Brown, Ric Ocasek, Pia Zadora, Toussaint McCall, and Colleen Fitzpatrick before she morphed in Vitamin C (yes, Amber = Put A Smile On Your Face). Ricki Lake (her talk show, VH1’s Charm School), Jerry Stiller (Seinfeld, King of Queens, fathering Ben Stiller), Mink Stole (every single other John Waters movie), and Divine round out the cast. When I was a kid, I did not know that Divine was a drag queen and apparently I never paid attention to the credits of the movie or that would’ve been incredibly obvious.

Appetizer: Homemade seaweed snacks!
Entree: A hearty macaroni and (cashew) cheese, for the growing teenager in us all.
Side: There are so many Corny jokes that we could make. So, so many. I decided to keep it simple with baked corn on the cob (video link).
Side 2: Gimmie gravy on my mashed potatoes!
Dessert: If you have room and the want to be adventurous, try your hand at making eclairs while wishing your clothing store provided pastries.

And as a bonus, the opening scene complete with the title song, which will be stuck in your head all week. You’re welcome!

posted: October 2, 2012
under: 80s, comedy, kid friendly, period piece, teen
11 Comments on Hairspray

Night of the Demons

Have you noticed that i’ve posted 80’s movies almost exclusively? It all comes down to childhood nostalgia, these are the movies that were released when I was a kid, so they are the ones I like the best. Sometimes ‘good’ doesn’t enter into it for me, and Night of the Demons is definitely one of those movies. It’s not horrible, but unless you have a love of horror movies, you probably won’t want to see it. Also I really wanted to do a non-kid Halloween movie and i’m not up to covering 50 movies about Michael Meyers.

In the late 80’s, a ‘weird’ girl named Angela hosts a party at a Haunted house with her slutty friend Suzanne (played again by always-nude scream queen, Linnea Quigley). For whatever reason, less than ten people show up and no one thinks this is weird or sad. Of course, the house really IS haunted, by a demon, and it slowly possesses the party-goers, who then attack and infect their friends. Some of them appear demon-like right away (the fat guy ends up with a pig nose, of course), Suzanne performs a party trick with a tube of lipstick and does what she does best (hint, it’s not family friendly).

This movie spawned two sequels, neither of which i’ve watched in a long time so I can’t say how bad they might be, but (spoiler alert) the same actress reprises her role as Angela in both of them, so they are tied to the original film. There was also a remake a few years ago which while not bad and it changed the story enough to be unique from the original, is full of some really embarrassing acting from Shannon Elizabeth and Edward Furlong (I KNOW), and some of the fakest breasts i’ve ever seen. But the demons are way cooler looking, so at least it has that going for it.

Usually these movies are filled with no-names and if we’re lucky, someone who hasn’t hit it big yet (it’s fun to see their baby faces), but the woman who plays Angela is actually really interesting! Amelia Kinkade is the niece of Rue McClanahan, a former 80’s video dancing vixen, and now she makes her living as a pet psychic/whisperer/whatever you want to call it.

Entree: The obvious answer would be ‘anything pumpkin’, but when I saw these asparagus skeletons in puff pastry coffins (and the wonton ghosts), I couldn’t resist. I like that these are very adult, yet very Halloweenie.
Side: Another dish that falls under the ‘very adult food, very halloweenie feel’ are these quinoa stuffed pepperjacks!
After all of that grown up, healthy crap, wouldn’t you like some candy? Make your own vegan candy corn!

posted: October 28, 2011
under: 80s, horror, so bad it's good, teen
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Killer Klowns From Outer Space

In space, no one can eat ice cream*.

So at some point in my young life, after I was traumatized against clowns by Poltergeist, I watched Killer Klowns and it scared the pants off of me. When it came out on dvd, I scooped it up and made Brian watch it. Before we started it I was like, “This movie is really scary, just to warn you!” I think it only took about five minutes of viewing before we both realized that I was wrong, and I was horribly, horribly embarrassed. This movie is about as scary as the monkey neck pillow I sleep with!

Aliens who just so happen to look like clowns, land on earth in a spaceship that just so happens to look like a circus tent. Why are they here? To round us up, encase us in cotton candy, and eat us! Of course, people are killed in comical fashions, like with shadow puppets and cotton candy ray guns. Stop judging me, I was like, nine when I watched this! Of course, no one in the town is afraid of a bunch of goofy looking clowns, so they’re not scared and basically just stand there and get slaughtered. Only a couple of teenagers are wise to what’s going on, and it’s up to them to save the day.

Believe it or not, this movie is actually pretty highly rated on IMDB/Rotten Tomatoes, for a horror movie. It’s definitely not scary, but it’s entertaining and not even close to the worst movie i’ve posted.

I’m going to break from my usual meal format because, this is a movie about clowns (and I can only post hot dog recipes so many times)! What do people eat at the circus? Besides sadness and cruelty, I mean. So I collected some recipes of various treats for you to enjoy, besides the obvious answer of: popcorn. Lots and lots of popcorn.

Soft Pumpkin Pretzels
Nachos with your favorite queso sauce, or this seven layer dip
Peanut Butter Caramel Apples
If you’re feeling really adventurous, or have some enemies you want to encase and then suck dry, you can make your own cotton candy.

*this is the tagline for the movie, i’m not that clever.

posted: October 25, 2011
under: 80s, comedy, horror, kid friendly, so bad it's good, teen
2 Comments on Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Cheerleader Camp

They look just as thrilled to be in this movie as you will be to watch it!

Cheerleader Camp is a stupid, low-budget, not very scary slasher film from the 80’s, and I LOVE it. Why? I’m not sure. I think it’s so-bad-it’s-good, others think it’s just bad, although I will admit that it’s no ‘Death of a Cheerleader’. It does have things to peak your interest, like bare breasts, the token “fat guy” comedic relief, and Leif Garrett stuffing a sock in his underwear. Oh, and this (part of which I used to sing to Bonny):

In case you can’t guess, this movie is about a group of cheerleaders…who go to camp. Camp Hurrah! They are going there to compete against other cheerleading groups for…something. And for some reason, no one else is there, like family to cheer them on, or judges. Just a bitchy camp director, a weird cook, and a creepy groundskeeper. Oh, and the sheriff. And then people start dying! But in addition to dying, the main character has some really weird dreams. There’s one that’s really awkward to watch: her boyfriend is banging another cheerleader while the rest of the squad stands around them chanting. What?

The acting is pretty bad, the gore is laughable, and a lot of things just don’t make sense. Like why is there a party with a band at a cheerleading camp where multiple people have been murdered? Why is the beauty contest being judged only by the other cheerleaders? Why do we have to watch the creepy sex play between the sheriff and Miss Tipton?

Believe it or not, this movie has several recognizable faces in it! Betsy Russell (Jill Tuck from Saw) plays the lead, Leif Garrett (70’s teen idol, The Outsiders, Celebrity Rehab) plays…the sexy dude…for some reason, and you may recognize Cory the mascot, Lucinda Dickey, from Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2. The real treat if George ‘Buck’ Flower, who often plays a hobo or a drunk (he’s the one who sprays himself with the hose in the video above), mostly in John Carpenter movies, and he was Red the bum in Back to the Future I and II.

Onto the menu! I’ve already done camp food, so let’s tailgate! Soon it will be too cold to grill outside, but I know all y’all have grill pans, right?

Entree: I have never tailgated in my life, but I think chili dogs seem like a damn good idea. The Field Roast frankfurters are a delicious alternative to the rubbery veggie dogs, or you can make your own!
Side: Tofu teriyaki kabobs do double duty, since anything skewered is always good for a slasher movie.
Dessert: I have seen a lot of variations on Smores this MoFo, but I think these Smore pocket pies are my favorite! If you don’t have access to vegan marshmallows, did you know that the Smuckers marshmallow ice cream topping is vegan? It’s runny, but these are enclosed so it doesn’t matter!

posted: October 24, 2011
under: 80s, horror, so bad it's good, teen
1 Comment on Cheerleader Camp

Hocus Pocus

Amuck!  Amuck amuck amuck amuck a–oooof!

I thought it was time for another family-friendly movie, and I don’t think there’s a better Halloween kiddie movie than Hocus Pocus (sorry, Halloweentown fans).  The witches are a little scary but more goofy than anything, there’s an adorable talking cat, a cute boy, and the bullies get what’s coming to them.  And despite being a PG movie, I think most of the jokes are pretty funny.  The movie received a lot of bad reviews when it first came out, but after years of being in heavy rotation on the Disney channel it’s now a cult favorite.  Also, it’s Bette Midler’s favorite movie that she’s even done!  I would wager a guess that her least favorite is Drowning Mona.

Trivia bite:  The song that Sarah Jessica Parker sings in the movie is an Edgar Allen Poe poem, not an original song.

Back in the old days before tofu, three sister witches are sucking the souls out of children, and they turned one into a cat who can’t die, because they’re meanies.  They were hung, but left behind a curse that if a virgin lights a certain candle, they can return and have one last shot at living.  Like that Margaret Cho joke about Charlies Angels, there’s the sweet one (Mary), the smart one (Winifred)…and then there’s the ho (Sarah)!  Naturally, some silly virgin lights the candle, gets yelled at by Binx the talking cat, the witches return, wacky hijinks, etc.

P.S.  No matter what you might think, Max is not the hero of this movie.  Binx is the hero!  Viva la Binx!

Since witches are all famous ladies, let’s look at the rest of the cast!  Omri Katz  doesn’t act much anymore, but we’ve all seen plenty of Thora Birch (American Beauty, Ghost World).  Ernie (aka Ice) is the bully-turned-out-and-proud football player Larry from Buffy, and Doug Jones (Billy) has played many other made up creatures, including one of the Gentlemen from the Buffy episode Hush.  Sean Murray (the human Binx) is a main character on NCIS.  Penny Marshall and her brother Garry play a married couple, the witches think Garry is their ‘master’.

Entree:  I was really happy when I googled ‘vegan witches stew‘ and one immediately leapt out!

Side:  You don’t really need a side with a stew, but how about this pumpkin spice cashew cheese dip with your favorite vegan crackers or some raw veggies?  Baby carrots can even be carved to look like fingers if you want to be creepy!

Dessert:  Did you know there’s a blog all about being a spooky vegan?  I actually discovered this while doing my pre-MoFo research, check her out!  And try out these awesome Halloween-themed sugar cookies.  Another option would be to just eat some vegan Halloween candy or some of the seasonal Sweet and Sara marshmallows, straight out of the package.

posted: October 16, 2011
under: 90s, comedy, horror, kid friendly, teen
7 Comments on Hocus Pocus

Friday the 13th

Yep, i’m tackling a biggun tonight!   Despite constantly being panned by the critics, Friday the 13th has spawned nine sequels, one mash-up (Freddy vs. Jason), and one boring remake that it thankfully seems they will not be adding to.

So why do they keep getting made and why do people keep paying money to see them?  Jason, of course!  His deformed face that only a mother could love, when covered by a hockey mask, is so familiar to us all.  Also even though there are some truly bad movies in the series, Friday the 13th never went the funny route.  Jason himself has remained scary, mostly because he is a big-ass dude who doesn’t talk, he just chops you in half.  Also, who doesn’t worry about being murdered in the woods by a maniac?  Unlike pod people or werewolves, that is something that could happen.  Probably not by some dude who drowned in a lake and who doesn’t seem to die, though.

Fun fact for those who don’t know:  Jason is NOT the original killer.  So if you haven’t seen the first one, you still have a chance to be surprised.  But the general theme of (almost) every movie is that teenagers get killed in the woods because they’re all drinking, drug taking fornicators.  Isn’t that always the case?  Horror movies were a way more powerful tool at keeping me a virgin than any birthing video in junior high.  If you have sex, you die.  Actually, even if you don’t you’ll still die, because Jason doesn’t stop to hand out sexuality questionnaires and cups to collect urine samples.

My personal favorites are the third one (3-D, the goofy Shelley, bikers!) and the fourth one (Corey Feldman, Crispin Glover’s unique dance style!).  Because of the fact that I actually want you to read this blog, if you would like to see a ranking of the films from best to worst that I pretty much agree with, here you go.  If not, onto the menu!

Entree:  What camping-friendly food will satisfy and is vegan?  Vegan tater pigs!  Tater pigs are hollowed out baking potatoes with a sausage in them, then they’re dressed like a normal baked potato.  I learned about these from a ppker, there is no real recipe.  I used an apple corer to hollow out two baking potatoes, scraping the insides until a Field Roast frankfurter would fit inside.  Then we wrapped them in foil and baked them for about an hour.  In the meantime, I made some bacon bits using Joni’s method, a cashew cream sauce, and steamed some broccoli.  We also threw some cheddar daiya on top.  Split them open and pile on your toppings!  These are a meal in themselves so you don’t need a side, especially if you add broccoli.

Here’s Brian’s so you can see what they look like without a mound of broccoli.

Dessert:  What kind of desert does a teenager on the (literal) run through the woods carry?  Trail mix cookies, of course!





posted: October 15, 2011
under: 80s, 90s, horror, teen
12 Comments on Friday the 13th

The Lost Boys

Ah, the 80’s.  When vampires were a little more rock n’ roll and a little less sparkly.  I don’t know when it was decided that all dude vampires had to be lady-whipped by teenage girls.  And I am a big Buffy fan, but shit gets old!  Anyway, I think that Kiefer Sutherland makes a perfect vampire, he’s almost as good at it as he is at asking people where the damn bomb is.  I also love that for whatever reason, the vampire gang in this movie has clearly killed the wardrobe stylist from Guns N’ Roses and stolen all of their clothes.  But there are two things that truly, madly, deeply make this movie great.

1.  The Corey’s!  Corey Feldman and Corey Haim making a movie together = magic.  This was their first film together, and I think the only one where they don’t play BFFs. Also, even though most of the movies they made together were fluffy and kind of dumb, at this point both Corey’s were known for being talented child actors.

2.  This guy, right here, for being so, so 80’s.  I can’t embed the video, but you won’t be sorry.  P.S.  The guy on stage really is the guy who is singing and playing the sax, he’s not an actor faking it.

Tale as old as time:  moody teenage boy moves into town with his little brother and single mom, boy sees hot girl, boy tries to hang with tough guys in order to impress hot girl, boy ends up being turned into a vampire.  But like Ginger Snaps, there’s a chance to be cured!  Luckily, little brother Corey meets two dudes who give him a comic that tells him everything he needs to know about vampires.  Thank god for comics, or the whole family would’ve been fucked.  Support your local comic store!

Also starring Jami Gertz (Less Than Zero, Kimmy Bishop on Ally McBeal, Alex Winter (the blonde half of Bill and Ted), Diane Wiest (Parenthood, Edward Scissorhands) Jason Patric (not-Keanu in Speed 2), and Edward Herrmann (Gilmore Girls, Oz).

The first sequel is pretty terrible, but there is another sax man in it.  I haven’t seen the other sequel, i’m sure it’s just as good as the other one.

This menu is obvious if you’ve seen the movie…if not, one of the most famous lines from the movie is, “Maggots, Michael.  You’re eating maggots.  How do they taste?”  Just a heads up.

Appetizer and Entree:  Baked spring rolls and low-fat lo-mein, mmmm mmmm!

Entree #2, because you’re probably going to share anyway:  Pineapple thai fried rice, delicious!

Dessert:  To keep with the chinese food theme, make your own fortune cookies!  Or for something easier, vampirey, and with more rice, coconut rice pudding with raspberry sauce.


posted: October 11, 2011
under: 80s, horror, teen
7 Comments on The Lost Boys


Na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na!

I always forget how awesome Gremlins is, until I watch it or even talk about it.  It took me way too long to get this entry up, because I could not stop reading quotes, laughing at video clips, and trying to decide which screencaps to post.  I learned so much about the movie today, I never knew that Howie Mandel did the voice of Gizmo!

I don’t think I ever really got the dark side of Gremlins when I was little, I just thought it was funny…although anytime I hear ‘Do You Hear What I Hear’, I get a little nervous.  Gremlins is actually one of the movies that made the MPAA say, “Hey…maybe we need a rating between PG and R.”, because this movie was released as PG, despite the violence and (spoiler alert) grossness of things like a blended or melting gremlin.  So it is perfect for kids who want to watch a scary movie, but aren’t ready for Saw (you should save that until they’re like, what, 10?).

Like Carrie, I just assume that even if you haven’t seen it, you know what it’s about.  Cute, strange little creature multiplies when wet, turns into scaly green monster if it eats after midnight, the Peltzer family finds this out the hard way.  Wacky hijinks ensue even more than usual, because Gremlins love hijinks!  They also like caroling, watching Show White, and hanging out in bars.

Featuring Phoebe Cates and Judge Reinhold (both from Fast Times at Ridgemont High), Howie Mendell (from that stupid gameshow with the suitcases) and an adorable, teeny Corey Feldman (from everything in the 80’s).

(The sequel is getting its own post.)

Entree:  Hopefully YOU won’t turn into a monster when you eat chicken-fried seitan (and hopefully you’ll ear t more neatly).  There are a ton of recipes for it on the internet, for a more specific recipe, Vegan Dad’s looks good.

Side:  This movie is full of snacks, so snack away!  Popcorn, beer nuts, anything else one would snack on at a movie theater or bar.  Tempeh Wings?  Jalapeno Poppers, mayhap?  Nachos, which Jenojoon has made her entire MoFo theme which is awesome?

Dessert:  After all of that fried food and snacking, how about a nice, green smoothie?  (Stephanie said I should post a screencap of the blender gremlin, but luckily I couldn’t find a decent one).  Everyone likes their green smoothie a little different, but mine is always spinach, banana, unsweetened almond milk, and then whatever frozen fruit I have and protein powder.  No ice, no water!  Some people do kale, but my blender isn’t that great.

posted: October 10, 2011
under: 80s, comedy, horror, kid friendly, teen
7 Comments on Gremlins

Ginger Snaps

You may notice that a lot of the movies i’m posting are straight-up slasher films.  I KNOW.  It’s not that I don’t like movies about various creatures (zombies are getting their own special post), it’s just that I don’t have a thing for werewolves or vampires in particular, no matter how shirtless or sparkly they may be.  I thought Underworld was boring, An American Werewolf In London does nothing for me (please don’t throw things at me), and The Howling series is okay, I guess.  Silver Bullet was one of my favorite childhood movies, but I couldn’t think of a menu for it.  Thankfully, Ginger Snaps is awesome, easy to build a menu around, AND is a werewolf movie, providing a little variety!

Ginger and Brigitte are two sisters who have no friends but each other, and a morbid outlook on life.  Things start to change when Ginger a) gets her first period at 16 and b) gets attacked by a werewolf.  She becomes increasingly more brazen and bitchy as the movie goes on, and Brigitte becomes increasingly horrified that her sister is turning into such a hobag.  In this movie, it takes awhile for someone to transform fully into a werewolf, so while Ginger slowly appears more wolf-like, Brigitte tries to find a cure or a way to slow down the process, wacky hijinks ensue, you know.

The movie spawned two sequels, the second movie was just as good, if not better than the first (I don’t want to say too much because the plot automatically spoils the end of the first one).  The third movie is a prequel that takes place in the 19th century, and is pretty much just like the first movie.  It’s not bad, but it’s not that interesting.

Mimi Rogers is the most famous person in this indie Canadian flick, Katherine Isabelle and Emily Perkins are mostly for playing Ginger and Brigitte.  They’ve both been on Supernatural (Emily was the superfan Becky Rosen), and they played sisters in Another Cinderella Story, which is a Disney movie that I will never, ever watch.  Emily also played the abortion clinic receptionist in Juno, and Katherine was the girl who liked to drink and smoke in Freddy vs. Jason (p.s. she has used a body double for every nude scene she’s ever ‘done’).

So what’s a growing wolf who has cramps going to eat?

Entree:  I can usually tell my period is coming by my sudden desire to eat a bag of Tings and a whole shelf of dark chocolate, but this seitan in mole sounds much more healthy and delicious.

Side:  How can you fit carby, salty, and sweet into one food?  Spicy sweet potato fries, of course!

Dessert:  I suppose you could just make gingersnap cookies, but why do that when you can make pumpkin pie with a gingersnap crust and bourbon sauce?

posted: October 8, 2011
under: 2000s, drama, horror, teen
4 Comments on Ginger Snaps


Carrie is a really popular movie, even if you haven’t seen it you probably know what it’s about.  It’s been lampooned and referenced a million times.  For that reason, I am going to jokingly describe it as a movie about a god-fearing, loving mother who just wants her daughter to stop being such a whore.  But her daughter is also possessed by the devil, so instead she gets asked to prom by the hottest guy in school and it’s totes awesome.

Carrie was the first movie ever adapted from a Stephen King novel, and it’s definitely still one of the best.  Unfortunately, Stephen King has licensed his books for a zillion shitty (mostly made for tv) movies.  I still haven’t forgiven him for the tv movies of The Stand and IT.  The movie is pretty faithful to the book, they only change a few things (Carrie is supposed to be ugly, fat, and zitty), and the only thing I really wish came across better is that John Travolta’s character is  supposed to be really fucking crazy, but since that’s conveyed via his inner monologue, I guess that was kind of hard to show in the movie.

Also featured are Piper Laurie (Twin Peaks), Nancy Allen (Robocop), PJ Soles, Edie McClurg, a delightful array of feathered and poofy hair, and boobs when women with ghastly implants weren’t the only ones getting topless in movies.  No one ever gets topless in movies anymore!  I blame the internet, they know screen caps will end up on Oh No They Didn’t while a bunch of cranky teenagers point out every mark and nipple hair.

Entree:  Amazingly, this is my first devil joke:  seitan chops smothered in apples and ginger (In the movie, Carrie says apple cake gives her pimples).

Side:  Roasted beets with balsamic glaze.  Anything red will work for the period joke, really.

Dessert:  Peanut butter chocolate brea–I mean, pillows.  (I chuckled for days over that one!)


posted: October 6, 2011
under: 70s, horror, teen
11 Comments on Carrie

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