(I’m dedicating this post to the 8-Bit Brigade Child’s Play raffle. Child’s Play is a gamer-run charity that provides toys and games to sick children in hospitals around the globe, your money goes straight to them and every dollar gets you one ticket into a nerdtastic raffle where you can win video games, swag, and all kinds of fun stuff. Please check it out!)
So you may not know this, but once upon a time, Chucky was not a big joke. He was seriously scary, especially if you were a little girl who had already been scarred for life by dolls in other horror movies (thanks, Poltergeist). In the first movie, Chucky barely speaks for most of the film, and when he does, he isn’t making jokes. I can’t watch anything else that Brad Dourif (Chucky) does because it freaks me out so much.
A single mom finds out that she can buy this season’s hottest toy, a Good Guy doll, from a bum in a back alley just in time for her sons birthday. Coincidentally, this is the same doll that a serial killer transferred his soul into, as he lay dying in a toy factory. This is revealed right away to the audience and quickly to Andy, the son, but obviously no one believes him. And then the fun and killing begins!
Since there are so many sequels i’m just going to quickly list each movie, who is in it, and where it ranks in the series.
Childs Play: Starring Catherine Hicks (mom from 7th Heaven) Chris Sarandon (Prince Humperdinck from The Princess Bride, the voice of Jack Skellington), Brad Dourif (Deadwood, LotR, my nightmares), and DinahManoff (Marty from Grease. The best movie of the series, number 1 out of 5.
Child’s Play 2: Andy goes to a foster home, for some reason the powers-that-be decide to turn Chucky’s burnt corpse into a new doll. Recycling is bad sometimes. Starring Christine Elise (above, who will always be crazy Emily Valentine from 90210 to me), Andy and Chucky are the same, and supporting cast includes Grace Zabriskie (Twin Peaks, Big Love), Beth Grant (Marianne Marie Beattle from Wonderfalls/Pushing Daisies, doubts your commitment to Sparkle Motion), and Greg Germann (Allly McBeal). The gore is upped, Chucky talks more and there is a little camp but it’s still a horror movie and not a horror comedy. 2/5
Child’s Play 3: Released less than a year after the second one, Andy is now sixteen (obviously played by someone different) and off to military school. I went to see this in the theater with my brother and I remember being very confused at the explanation of how Chucky has been remade AGAIN, so for you: his body is melted down into plastic or his blood drips into melted plastic and that is used to make new dolls. Again, recycling is BAD. Also, wouldn’t that make a ton of Chucky dolls if he was infused into a huge batch of plastic? Whatever, this movie sucks! Starring a bunch of people who would probably rather not be named. The weakest movie of the series in my opinon, 5/5.
Bride of Chucky: The brains behind Chucky decided to give up on making serious movies. Chucky is turned into a joke, sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not. This is definitely for the people who like ‘so bad it’s funny’ movies, which is what they seemed to be going for anyway. Starring Jennifer Tilly (Bound, Bonnie from Family guy, my dreams), Katherine Heigl before anyone cared, and with special appearances by the late, great John Ritter and Alexis Arquette when she was still doing male roles. Not my favorite movie, but good for a laugh. 3/5
Seed of Chucky: A continuation of the last one, this is just as ridiculous but somehow way worse. I don’t know exactly why because you think that they would be about equal since the style is the same and they are TRYING to be as over-the-top and cheesy as possible, but it just doesn’t work as well. Possibly because they get all meta in this one, Jennifer Tilly plays herself, starring in a Chucky movie. And then the dolls come alive. At least there’s more Jennifer Tilly to look at in this one? Billy Boyd (Pippin from LotR) co-stars, Redman (the rapper) and John Waters (if you don’t know who John Waters is, gtfo) have small parts. Some people think this one is worse than the third one, but I think this one is just a squeak more better. Just a touch. Probably because it has Jennifer Tilly. 4/5
Finally, the menu! Let’s eat some kid-friendly food from some awesome vegan parent bloggers!
Side: A cheesy cream casserole chock full of vegetables, just like mom never made! We ate our broccoli plain and limp.