Friday the 13th
Yep, i’m tackling a biggun tonight! Despite constantly being panned by the critics, Friday the 13th has spawned nine sequels, one mash-up (Freddy vs. Jason), and one boring remake that it thankfully seems they will not be adding to.
So why do they keep getting made and why do people keep paying money to see them? Jason, of course! His deformed face that only a mother could love, when covered by a hockey mask, is so familiar to us all. Also even though there are some truly bad movies in the series, Friday the 13th never went the funny route. Jason himself has remained scary, mostly because he is a big-ass dude who doesn’t talk, he just chops you in half. Also, who doesn’t worry about being murdered in the woods by a maniac? Unlike pod people or werewolves, that is something that could happen. Probably not by some dude who drowned in a lake and who doesn’t seem to die, though.
Fun fact for those who don’t know: Jason is NOT the original killer. So if you haven’t seen the first one, you still have a chance to be surprised. But the general theme of (almost) every movie is that teenagers get killed in the woods because they’re all drinking, drug taking fornicators. Isn’t that always the case? Horror movies were a way more powerful tool at keeping me a virgin than any birthing video in junior high. If you have sex, you die. Actually, even if you don’t you’ll still die, because Jason doesn’t stop to hand out sexuality questionnaires and cups to collect urine samples.
My personal favorites are the third one (3-D, the goofy Shelley, bikers!) and the fourth one (Corey Feldman, Crispin Glover’s unique dance style!). Because of the fact that I actually want you to read this blog, if you would like to see a ranking of the films from best to worst that I pretty much agree with, here you go. If not, onto the menu!
Entree: What camping-friendly food will satisfy and is vegan? Vegan tater pigs! Tater pigs are hollowed out baking potatoes with a sausage in them, then they’re dressed like a normal baked potato. I learned about these from a ppker, there is no real recipe. I used an apple corer to hollow out two baking potatoes, scraping the insides until a Field Roast frankfurter would fit inside. Then we wrapped them in foil and baked them for about an hour. In the meantime, I made some bacon bits using Joni’s method, a cashew cream sauce, and steamed some broccoli. We also threw some cheddar daiya on top. Split them open and pile on your toppings! These are a meal in themselves so you don’t need a side, especially if you add broccoli.
Here’s Brian’s so you can see what they look like without a mound of broccoli.
Dessert: What kind of desert does a teenager on the (literal) run through the woods carry? Trail mix cookies, of course!