Trying to find SFW screencaps for this movie was hard, because it’s more like SEXretary, am I right? Okay, not really, but this is a movie about a dominant/submissive relationship between a man and his secretary so there is bondage and all of that fun stuff you don’t want to show your kids.
Lee Holloway is possibly the most passive person on the planet, and will do whatever anyone tells her without seeming to care about any of it. The only thing she does care about is self harm, and they never really explain why she cuts herself (maybe because her family is a mess), because that’s not the focus of the story. After being hospitalized for a serious cutting injury, she goes to typing school, gets a certificate, and sets out looking for a job. Spoiler alert, James Spader is going to hire her and he really likes the fact that she’s like a ball of clay who will change anything that he tells her he finds annoying. One important part of their relationship is that he’s the first person to directly confront her about her self-harm and why she does it, whereas her family just seems to tip toe around it.
I usually don’t notice things like this, but the set designs in Secretary are beautiful. Edward’s office is very natural, full of woods and natural colors. Lee’s house is full of plastic, including the furniture, in a variety of pastel and bright colors.
I will admit that I find the scenes leading up to the very end (but not quite the end) to be kind of ridiculous and cheesy, but that decision was purposely made to show that BDSM relationships can be a part of a normal couple’s life and doesn’t have to result in a dark movie or an ending.
Starring James Spader (80’s dickweasel, Boston Legal, The Office), Maggie Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, The Dark Knight), Jeremy Davies (Lost, Justified), Lesley Ann Warren (Clue, In Plain Sight), and Amy Locane (Cry-Baby, Airheads).
Thinking up a menu for this movie wasn’t even necessary, because Edward has already told us what to eat! I will be eating a hell of a lot more than a scoop of potatoes and four peas, though.
Entree: I am in no mood to try to veganize a porterhouse steak (one of those kinds with a huge bone in it), but I think that Seitan Filet Mignon is a fine stand-in.
Side: When I googled ‘vegan creamed potatoes’, google was all, “Oh, you want mashed potatoes!” God dammit google, there is a DIFFERENCE. Then I found these creamed potatoes with peas and that covers all of our bases.
Dessert: As much ice cream as you’d care to eat, of course! Although you can see that in the photo above there’s a pie on the table, Lee doesn’t mention it while getting permission to eat so we’re sticking with ice cream. If you don’t have the means or desire to make your own, I am a big fan of the Purely Decadent Cookie Dough. Frozen pureed bananas are NOT ice cream. /soapbox